A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:
"We will heel you,
We will save your sole,
We will even dye for you."
A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:
"Blind man driving."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take
appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:.
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted."
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills."
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
And the best one for last;
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises."
Irish Fisherman
The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub.
There standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked him, "What are you doing?
“Fishing”, replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, “Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me”.
In the warm ambiance of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a superior smart ass, cannot resist asking, "So, how many fish have you caught today?"
"You're the 8th", replied the old man.
