humour

[crazy8s]

[PinkDiamond]

Gosh, it was last September the last time I had any of these to post for you. Hope it doesn't take that long for me to find the next round of funnies. I love the last one.

[SwordfishMining]

Haha. Hiya 8s. I swear it thinks it is spring around here raining. I actually saw an insect in the air and the fricking starlings are already eyeing the vent in the tiny trailer they build a nest in each year, until the bull snakes eat their babies or the black birds chase them out when they arrive so the snakes can eat their babies.
Keeps the bugs down even if they are really territorial, like the sparrows. BUT this is a world of the invasive species winning for a while over and over or at least thats how I read palentology. The quail just walk thru it all. Winner winner, we get to plan for dinner.

Just come find black opals he said. Never mentioned the actual rarity.

[PinkDiamond]

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[PinkDiamond]

British Medical Journal

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There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.

We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I trust this clears up any confusion.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.

[PinkDiamond]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.

[PinkDiamond]

Click on the image to enlarge it.

[PinkDiamond]

[crazy8s]

All good

[SwordfishMining]

I can relate to the gold bag joke. Not that I ever golfed.