humour

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Lydia
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Location: West Coast of Canada

Re: humour

Post by Lydia »

Appreciate the humour George. Thanks.
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PinkDiamond
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Re: humour

Post by PinkDiamond »

George, you're a hoot. :lol:

I about split a gut when I saw this one my brother sent. :mrgreen:
HillarysHaircutAfterPolls.jpg
PinkDiamond
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SwordfishMining
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Re: humour

Post by SwordfishMining »

Thats a good one and a bargain for the price. I wonder if the suit was in the closet already. I'm bad. I'll go back to watching Burning Man on familyroom.com and making snarky comments there.
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GeorgeSharen
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Re: humour

Post by GeorgeSharen »

Marriage Banter

Husband: Don’t put that money in your mouth. There are germs on it.

Wife: Don’t be silly. Even a germ can’t live on the money you make
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PinkDiamond
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Re: humour

Post by PinkDiamond »

:lol:

HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE
PLEASE, DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR CHECK WITH SNOPES. THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. TRUST ME!

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth. I would not make up this stuff.
PinkDiamond
ISG Registered Gemologist


· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ There are miracles left for you to do .... -:¦:- -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* It all begins inside of you. ;)
GeorgeSharen
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Re: humour

Post by GeorgeSharen »

8-) :lol:
GeorgeSharen
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Re: humour

Post by GeorgeSharen »

"Parents give children middle names so they can tell when they are in trouble"
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kjsspot
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Re: humour

Post by kjsspot »

A man received the following text from his neighbor.......

"I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't, ever happen again".

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: "Bloody autospell! I meant "wifi", not "wife"
~KJ~
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GeorgeSharen
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Re: humour

Post by GeorgeSharen »

Clifford and Daisy May were married for many years.
Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. Clifford would shout, "When I die, I'll dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life ol' woman!!"
Neighbors feared him. Old Clifford liked the fact that he was feared.
He died at the ripe old age of 98.
After the burial, Daisy May's neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
She replied, "LET HIM DIG. I HAD HIM BURIED UPSIDE DOWN...AND I KNOW HE WON'T ASK FOR DIRECTIONS."
GeorgeSharen
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Re: humour

Post by GeorgeSharen »

A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”

The man replied to the game warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?!” the warden replied.

“Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.”

“That’s a bunch of crap! Fish can’t do that!” replied the warden in disbelief.

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, “Here, I ll show you. It really works.”

“O.K. I’ve GOT to see this!” The game warden was curious.

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited…

After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, “Well?”

“Well, what?” the man responded.

“When are you going to call them back?” the game warden prompted.

“Call who back?” the man asked.

“The FISH,” the warden said sternly.

“What fish?” the man asked
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