humour

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crazy8s
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Re: humour

Post by crazy8s »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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PinkDiamond
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Re: humour

Post by PinkDiamond »

These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted.


Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show.)


Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes


You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

Don Knott: That's what's been keeping me awake.


According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to ask him if he's married?

Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.


Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older..

Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


What are: 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough’?

George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the apartment next door.


As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


In bowling, what's a perfect score?

Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom


Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.


According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.


WE DO NOT STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING
PinkDiamond
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crazy8s
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Re: humour

Post by crazy8s »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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SwordfishMining
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Re: humour

Post by SwordfishMining »

Paul Lynde was a classic. Witty & a sharp dresser.
I'll jump over my shadow. https://www.virginvalleyopal.com"
Opals & more at my ESTY store https://swordfishmining.etsy.com"
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PinkDiamond
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Re: humour

Post by PinkDiamond »

I loved him as Uncle Arthur on Bewitched. :lol:


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PinkDiamond
ISG Registered Gemologist


· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ There are miracles left for you to do .... -:¦:- -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* It all begins inside of you. ;)
crazy8s
Posts: 1793
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Location: farm country Calif

Re: humour

Post by crazy8s »

:D :lol: :lol: :lol:
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PinkDiamond
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Re: humour

Post by PinkDiamond »

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PinkDiamond
ISG Registered Gemologist


· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ There are miracles left for you to do .... -:¦:- -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* It all begins inside of you. ;)
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SwordfishMining
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Re: humour

Post by SwordfishMining »

In the mid-1970s the Smirnoff vodka company began using the 'before and after' technique to sell its product. The advertising campaign consisted of escapist photographs accompanied by slogans such as I thought the Kama Sutra was an Indian restaurant until I discovered Smirnoff. (The slogan originally had the additional rejoinder The effect is shattering which was eventually banned probably due to the allusion to 'getting smashed'.)
Image

Smirnoff ran this ad in the 70s but reportedly pulled it after a few months when its market researchers surveyed customers and discovered that "60 per cent of them thought that the Kama Sutra was indeed an Indian restaurant."

The slogan turned out to be the inspiration of the graffitists of the nation as catchphrases such as the following began appearing on walls around the country:

I thought innuendo was an Italian suppository until I discovered Smirnoff.

I thought cirrhosis was a type of cloud until I discovered Smirnoff.

However it was not long before the graffitists began to abandon the formula, first by substituting the word Smirnoff with other items:

I thought Nausea was a novel by Jean-Paul Sartre until I discovered Scrumpy.

Soon, the caption began to move more radically away from the matrix, as more items were changed. In the next example there is no allusion to drink whatsoever:

I used to think I was an atheist until I discovered I was God.

Although Smirnoff jokes are now practically obsolete, the I thought A was B until I discovered C formula has now frozen into the English language as a semi-idiom. Today we can find graffiti (or indeed hear asides) such as:

I used to talk in cliches but now I avoid them like the plague

in which the original matrix is barely recognizable.
http://www.weirduniverse.net/blog/comme ... restaurant
I'll jump over my shadow. https://www.virginvalleyopal.com"
Opals & more at my ESTY store https://swordfishmining.etsy.com"
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PinkDiamond
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Re: humour

Post by PinkDiamond »

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PinkDiamond
ISG Registered Gemologist


· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ There are miracles left for you to do .... -:¦:- -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* It all begins inside of you. ;)
crazy8s
Posts: 1793
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2015 1:10 pm
Location: farm country Calif

Re: humour

Post by crazy8s »

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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